Sunday, November 04, 2018

Have more people like you more


     Rapport is that state where you connect, know, and trust somebody.  You’ve probably had times when you’ve clicked with people, you’ve instantly hit it off and you get on, yes?  You’ve probably also had times where you’ve talked to somebody and it’s just not happening – you think "who is this Martian?"  And you just can’t relate to this person at all, right?



     Rapport is a skill, and it’s the ability to create that connection with a complete stranger anytime you want to.  And the nice thing about it is, it’s not some kind of fluffy philosophy or technique or willy-nilly idea, it actually genuinely is a series of things that you can do, and you can tell when it’s working cos you get direct signals – you get signs that come back that are quantifiable and instantly visible and feel-able, from the person you’re getting rapport with, or the people you’re getting rapport with.  It works just as well in groups as it does face to face with one individual.

     Which tells you whether or not you’re getting on, which means you can tell if it’s working.  Now there’s an old quote that says everything in life you want is either owned by someone else or you’re going to need someone’s help to get it, so you’d better be good at building rapport.  It’s a fundamental skill.  Especially if you’re going to be doing therapy, coaching or consulting, because they’re only going to tell you their deepest, darkest fears if they know you, like you and trust you. 

     If you’re going to be using NLP & HGE™ for marketing and sales, then people will only do business with you cos they know you, like you and trust you.  If you’re going to be teaching or presenting, then you want your audience to know you, like you and trust you.  And quite frankly, as a teacher or trainer or educator, it’s much nicer to be standing in front of an audience who like you rather than an audience who don’t.  And you may know how that feels.

     In essence, Rapport skills are one of the fundamental skills that we teach on a training course because we firmly believe that if you have rapport, it makes your life a hell of a lot more pleasant and easier.  Which is the bottom line with all this stuff – the bottom line with NLP & HGE™ is that it lets you get more of the results you want in life more often, in more easier ways…

     OH and by the way, this is NOTHING to do with "make more eye contact" or "smile more".  Please!

    


     As a trainer or speaker, if you're going to stand in front of a group of people, you better have rapport with them or they will tear you to shreds.  At the least it will be uncomfortable for everyone.  Awkward silences,  no engagement, jokes fall flat and the students can't wait for it to be over.  And trust me if you're in front of a group like that and you're not hitting it off, it feels horrible.  Trust me, I've been there!

     As a Financial Adviser I used to have to do a fact-find, then go away and prepare a proposal, then come back and try and get the sale.  After I learned about Rapport, my appointments halved and my sales doubled.  When my manager asked me what I was doing, it led to my first proper paid training gig.

     As a Master Hypnotherapist I had to be able to create a "sacred space" where my new client would feel safe and trusting enough to tell me their deepest, darkest fears and concerns. That's ESSENTIAL  in helping professional context.  Some people are just people people who click with anyone.  I had to learn how to do that.

     When I did my Coaching training over 3 years back in 2001, they didn't cover Rapport anywhere!  If you're going to be that client's secret weapon and confidant, cajoling them, questioning them, holding them accoubnatble and walking with them as they reach their goals, YOU MUST HAVE RAPPORT.  many a coaching client is lost on the initial phone call or the first meeting because there's no rapport.
     
     OK so have I hammered this point home yet?  No rapport, no coaching.  No rapport, no checky :-)

     If you'd like to learn how do do this stuff, come and join me on Nov 10/11th - click here for details

Saturday, November 03, 2018

For people who are serious about their personal growth...


  Maybe you’ve tried all the goal setting, the achiever, “if it’s to be it’s up to me” syndrome.  You’ve had the house, the car, the money in the bank, the social circle, the good job……and yet there’s still something missing?  

You see, goals without a higher purpose lack passion or deep meaning.  At some point you’ll ask yourself “Who I am?  Why am I here? What should I be doing with my life?”  Perhaps you have an inkling…..a hunch…that something more spiritual is the place to go next.  

Maybe you, like me, have a “calling” – that something calls to you for some inexplicable reason.  There’s a great quote that once said “Religion is what people do to avoid going to hell.  Spirituality is what people do once they’ve been there!”


  Now I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist – but I have spent 25 years in personal development helping people transform their lives – I’ve learned and taught advanced techniques like NLP and Hypnosis.  But after a while I got frustrated with the lack of depth, there was something missing.  There had to be more….do you know what I mean?

  For me it was always about making changes.  If you’re not happy with the results you’re creating, then change what you’re doing.  Whining and complaining won’t make it any better, and nobody’s going to come and rescue you.  The sooner you realise it’s you, the better.  It’s what you do that counts.  So initially I did private therapy, and then started doing workshops to try and share this mindset with as many people as possible.

  Then in the late '90's I came across the blossoming field of Life Coaching, and saw a natural extension to what I was already doing.  NLP helped me to help my clients clear up the mental clutter and limitations that hold us all back.  Life Coaching looks at the external factors that make you who you are – your health and eating habits, your family relationships, your intimate relationships, your management of money, your environment, and your career.  Now I had ways of dramatically improving my own life, and the lives of others, on both the inside and the outside.

However, in a completely unregulated industry, people could simply read a book and call themselves a Life Coach.  Oh dear.

  Then you start to hit your late thirties, and true to the model you’re about to learn, the idea of spirituality starts calling to you.  Now it takes different forms for different people, and for me it was in a concealed body of knowledge and wisdom that had been banned until 1989, until laws were passed that allowed the Hawaiians to teach their original ways again.  Something about Huna attracted me, and for the first time in my life I could relate to what people often term “a calling”.  

  Huna balances you out, and gets you down out of your head and into your body again, grounding you.  Instead of being “the NLP guy”, I started to teach other concepts and principles that I’d picked up that seemed to make sense, and more importantly, consistently worked with everyone I shared them with. 

  That was always my core drive, and still is.  To help people.  Now I’m not a complete altruist, because it’s my business and I expect to be paid.  But that was my passion – Maybe you’ve seen “Star Wars”, when Obi Wan Kenobi told the Imperial Storm troopers “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for” and they let them pass, instantly changing their minds.  “Wouldn’t it be really cool to be able to do that!” I thought.  Imagine someone comes to you with a problem like “I’m depressed”, and with a wave of your hand you tell them “No you’re not” and they wouldn’t be.  That would be magic!  Real magic.

  And if you study every philosophy, every theology on the planet, certain key concepts keep coming up.  Rituals.  Physical exercise.  Energy.  Numbers.  The Five elements.  Taking responsibility.  Being at one with yourself.  Life being a mirror of you.  There has to be something to that if they keep showing up, throughout history, throughout the planet.  Mark Twain once said “The ancients steal all our best ideas”.

  My friend and teacher Tad James had once suggested to Richard Bandler, the co-creator of NLP:

“What if all NLP is, is tying up the conscious mind with a technique, while you give suggestions to the unconscious mind?”

 In Huna, the Kahuna would often create a ritual or task for the patient to undertake, and in so doing they gave their unconscious mind permission to make the change.  It’s almost like the conscious mind needs to be convinced by doing something tangible, while the unconscious mind does what it already knows it can do, but needs the conscious mind’s permission.  Think of the placebo effect in medicine.  Or being dunked in water to feel cleansed, or anointed.  The ritual works better if you use real water…

  Milton Erickson, the world’s leading Hypnotherapist, often gave clients tasks or ordeals to do, and by doing then, they “fixed” themselves.  Hmmmm…..

  I knew I was on to something.  It was also painful to watch people study, and teach, NLP as a bunch of techniques that claimed to be able to cure everything from nail biting to HIV, but then get disappointed when it didn’t work.  Or worse, blame the NLP practitioner when it didn’t.  There’s more to it than that.  You can’t expect someone to come along and “fix you”. You have to be the source of your own change.  Because then you get all the pride and achievement of having taken charge of you mind and your behaviours too!

  It was a shame to watch people spend four days with (in my opinion) the world’s greatest presenter and teacher, Tony Robbins, get all psyched up to change the world, and then crash down to earth a week later.  Not only were they disappointed, they’d had a taste of how good they could feel and they couldn’t recreate it themselves.    They’d have to spend even more money becoming seminar junkies, just to recapture the high.  As one client of mine once said,

“How much more money do you have to spend before the penny drops?”

  To make matters worse, the world of NLP was renowned for its competing developers who spent more time arguing about who the genuine leaders of the field were, than in advancing and improving the technology for the betterment of its enthusiasts.  Too much emphasis was placed on legal actions, copyrighting, jargon, cyber squatting and whose signature was on your certificate, which is ironic when one of the basic beliefs promoted by NLP is to “respect everyone’s model of the world.”  It was a world of politics, cliques and possessiveness where the self-styled governing bodies had practically no regulatory authority, and no way of enforcing their code of conduct.  Basically anyone could buy their way up the ladder and call themselves a Trainer, regardless of ability, flair, depth of knowledge or integrity.

   Intriguingly, all of the most successful leaders in the field of NLP got into esoteric studies and spirituality.  Richard Bandler lived in Hawaii for years.  John Grinder used animal forms during training courses.  Tad James is my Huna teacher.  Tony Robbins calls himself a “force for God”.  The “heart” that was missing from the NLP model could be found in the ancient teachings of the earth.

  And yet, having done thousands of hours on one to one therapy, working with hundreds of clients on the phone, by email, in person or in groups, over 25 years of personal experience in dealing with human beings and their fears, hang ups, hopes and desires, I’ve realised that the main and final reason these hard working, well-meaning individuals suffer set backs, self doubt and turmoil, is because they did not know what I know about how to tap into their “inner life manager” and finally realise that the answer is never “out there” – it’s not going to be handed to you in the next book, on the next tape or the next seminar.  It’s inside you right now, you either

  1. Don’t know that it resides inside you behind a locked door
  2. Don’t have a key!


My job was always to tentatively reveal some elements and core essentials of this approach to these people, and take them through some safe and gentle ‘training sessions’… ‘tentatively’ because I was unsure how easily they would accept the truth.

I was wrong to worry.

  The results of these sessions (usually an hour at a time) are already evident and there’s pages and pages of testimonies on my websites and in my client files – they are happier, healthier, in better jobs, in more passionate relationships, making more money.  Personal success is suddenly realistic instead of a hyped up cosmetic “hope”.

  But not for everybody.  I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I said every client I’ve ever worked with dramatically turned around.  That’s not the case.  Some put the phone down on me.  Some weren’t prepared to do the work.  Some wouldn’t spend a few hundred pounds to make their ill-health symptoms disappear.  Some walked out of my office and never came back.  Some made appointments but never showed.  That’s life.  People are people.

  BUT, the ones who kept their appointments, invested some money in themselves and were willing to put the effort in, every one of them blossomed, flew and transformed in a matter of hours, weeks, months at most.

  NLP had to evolve. Hypnosis alone wasn’t enough.  Life Coaching is more than just hiring a personal trainer.  Huna was too ancient and esoteric and turned some people off.  There needed to be a comprehensive and ecological model which was simple and straightforward to use in your daily life.  After all, it’s what you do consistently, and persistently that shapes your life.  You can’t have a bath once and be clean forever.  To that effect, I want to share what I’ve found with you, and I’ve called it HGE™

Join me on November 10/11th in Glasgow where I'll teach you more.  Way more...

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