Lose weight for Scotland - the next part of the story...

Growing up in the 70’s we had a typical Scottish diet at the time – sugary cereal for breakfast before school, chip shop fritters and burgers for lunch, and a plate of stodge at night which invariably involved the deep fryer.  Add to the mix sweets and sugary drinks.  No wonder my dentist loved me.  No wonder I could barely stay awake in class.  I’d wake up knackered in the morning before I even started, and I’d collapse into bed at night.  In between I relied on coffee to keep me going – sometimes five mugs a day.  Can you relate to that?

I never drank water either.  So I was exhausted all the time, full of phlegm and had frequent headaches, but I just didn’t like the taste of water.  We probably lead pipes for all I know. 

And this was way before the invasion of McDonalds, Burger King, KFC and the fast food chains.  Cheap, tasty and convenient food full of fat, salt and sugar has made the problem ten times worse!  Just type “Bionic Burger” into Youtube and you’ll have your eyes opened.

Add to that I was the stereotypical specky asthmatic skinny weed.  The classic Ectomorph characterised by long and thin muscles/limbs and low fat storage; usually referred to as “Skinny Malinky Lang Legs”.  The classic “hardgainer” with a flat chest and fast metabolism.  All my life I got teased about my weight.  People don’t realise that it hurts just as much to be called “skinny rake” as it is to be called a “fat b*****d”.

P.E. at school was a weekly nightmare – I’d cover myself up, try to be last into the showers, wear clothes that disguised my build.  But in the gym and the football pitch there was nowhere to hide.  Problem was because of the asthma, after 5 minutes of running around I’d be leaning against the goal posts gasping for air.

At school I became terrified of reading aloud in class.  I’d get really scared, I’d break out in a sweat, I’d stutter and my chest would feel like it was going to burst and I couldn’t breathe… In fact I used to dodge English classes in case I’d have to read out loud.  Especially plays – where you can see your line coming closer as you go down the page and the closer it got the more nervous I became. 

I had a duodenal ulcer by the time I was sixteen because I was so nervous and timid with people.  Imagine that – I managed to burn a hole in my stomach with my brain.  What a crap superpower!  So at 20 years of age I’m on a drug called Tagamet which lines your intestines to prevent irritation.  I called it “an old man’s drug”.

I found it nearly impossible to say hello to people I knew!  I’d keep my head down, avoid eye contact, stay locked up tight and be shut down emotionally.  Can you relate to that at all?  You’ve probably heard the old cliché about FEAR – that it spells “False Evidence Appearing Real”, or as I prefer to say “F*** Everything and Run!” 

My Dad had to go for frequent check-ups and the last time I saw him was when I drove him back from Stonehouse Hospital for his routine medical.  I left him at the fireside with a cup of tea and went back to work.  My Mum found him dead on the carpet that night.  And can you guess when he died?  [Black] November 1991.  How’s that for the power of suggestion.