For the last three weeks I’ve been
running a survey asking people about their levels of confidence and
self-esteem. I promised I would share my
findings now that the results are in.
The average survey respondent
described themselves as appearing quietly confident, but deep down 48% tend
towards self-doubt. In fact they see
themselves as sympathetic and warm with other people, but they are often unsure
of their own thoughts – and often don’t trust their own feelings. Ever felt like that?
When unexpected problems occur, they
don’t always tackle them as well as they’d like. In fact, one quarter said they feel completely useless in these situations.
52% of responders wished they were
more confident at work, as well as in everyday disagreements like at the shops,
or over parking spaces. Curiously the
majority were happy to speak to groups or in public, but only provided they
knew what they were going to be talking about.
A whopping 61% of those surveyed say
that they are very critical of themselves and dread looking like a fool front
of other, and after dealing with a person they will go away mentally analysing
everything they themselves did and said, focussing mainly on their mistakes
than what they did well. Does this sound
like you?
One third of responders had
previously been told by someone close to them “Oh you’re just being overly
sensitive”.
To build their confidence people have
tried self-help material, visualisation, asking a partner who will “prop them
up”, but that mostly didn’t work.
Where people have felt a boost in
self-esteem was where they got support from other people, including going for
counselling and hypnotherapy. Just getting
out there and meeting people seemed to help massively, if they could get
themselves to do it.
When you surf the web searching for
terms like “how to be confident” and
“confidence building”, you tend to
get dictionary definitions, or dumb platitudes like “Think nice thoughts” or
“Shower more often” accompanied by childish cartoons.
I don’t care if you’re an HR Manager
of a self-confessed nerd, there will be times when you feel small and
powerless, and scared to open your mouth.
I spent most of primary and secondary
school feeling TORTURED like that – wound up tight, avoiding eye contact, trusting
only a very small number of trusted friends, and by the time I was 19 years old I was
diagnosed with a duodenal ulcer, brought on by toxic thoughts of shyness and
worry. And then worrying about the
worrying, if you know what I mean.
Where it changed for me, when I dig
back far enough into my past, was reading my brother’s psychology books for his
degree – I was fascinated to realise that I’d managed to burn a hole in my
stomach with my own brain. A crap
superpower. But what power! What could you do if you turned it outwards?
And that started me on a journey in
positive thinking, visualisation, then more advanced mind tools like NLP and
Hypnosis. The good news is that there
ARE practical, useful things that work in the real world, that are easy to
learn and really change how you feel, think and move. Now I have an optimistic outlook, a healthy
self-image, a usually supportive internal voice and I know how to move, breathe
and speak to feel strong and in control most of the time. And my stomach ulcer disappeared.
On September 23rd I’ll be running a
free 1 hour webinar on how to go from timid mouse to superhero [at least in
your own head] and you can learn all about that HERE. I’m going to share 6 quick steps – real
practical “how to” techniques – to make you feel more assertive and stronger
inside. And you can “lurk” and not even
have to speak!
I hope you’ll join us J
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