Have more people like you more

     Rapport is that state where you connect, know, and trust somebody.  You’ve probably had times when you’ve clicked with people, you’ve instantly hit it off and you get on, yes?  You’ve probably also had times where you’ve talked to somebody and it’s just not happening – you think "who is this Martian?"  And you just can’t relate to this person at all, right?

     Rapport is a skill, and it’s the ability to create that connection with a complete stranger anytime you want to.  And the nice thing about it is, it’s not some kind of fluffy philosophy or technique or willy-nilly idea, it actually genuinely is a series of things that you can do, and you can tell when it’s working cos you get direct signals – you get signs that come back that are quantifiable and instantly visible and feel-able, from the person you’re getting rapport with, or the people you’re getting rapport with.  It works just as well in groups as it does face to face with one individual.

     Which tells you whether or not you’re getting on, which means you can tell if it’s working.  Now there’s an old quote that says everything in life you want is either owned by someone else or you’re going to need someone’s help to get it, so you’d better be good at building rapport.  It’s a fundamental skill.  Especially if you’re going to be doing therapy, coaching or consulting, because they’re only going to tell you their deepest, darkest fears if they know you, like you and trust you. 

     If you’re going to be using NLP & HGE™ for marketing and sales, then people will only do business with you cos they know you, like you and trust you.  If you’re going to be teaching or presenting, then you want your audience to know you, like you and trust you.  And quite frankly, as a teacher or trainer or educator, it’s much nicer to be standing in front of an audience who like you rather than an audience who don’t.  And you may know how that feels.

     In essence, Rapport skills are one of the fundamental skills that we teach on a training course because we firmly believe that if you have rapport, it makes your life a hell of a lot more pleasant and easier.  Which is the bottom line with all this stuff – the bottom line with NLP & HGE™ is that it lets you get more of the results you want in life more often, in more easier ways…

     OH and by the way, this is NOTHING to do with "make more eye contact" or "smile more".  Please!

    

     As a trainer or speaker, if you're going to stand in front of a group of people, you better have rapport with them or they will tear you to shreds.  At the least it will be uncomfortable for everyone.  Awkward silences,  no engagement, jokes fall flat and the students can't wait for it to be over.  And trust me if you're in front of a group like that and you're not hitting it off, it feels horrible.  Trust me, I've been there!

     As a Financial Adviser I used to have to do a fact-find, then go away and prepare a proposal, then come back and try and get the sale.  After I learned about Rapport, my appointments halved and my sales doubled.  When my manager asked me what I was doing, it led to my first proper paid training gig.

     As a Master Hypnotherapist I had to be able to create a "sacred space" where my new client would feel safe and trusting enough to tell me their deepest, darkest fears and concerns. That's ESSENTIAL  in helping professional context.  Some people are just people people who click with anyone.  I had to learn how to do that.

     When I did my Coaching training over 3 years back in 2001, they didn't cover Rapport anywhere!  If you're going to be that client's secret weapon and confidant, cajoling them, questioning them, holding them accoubnatble and walking with them as they reach their goals, YOU MUST HAVE RAPPORT.  many a coaching client is lost on the initial phone call or the first meeting because there's no rapport.

     

     OK so have I hammered this point home yet?  No rapport, no coaching.  No rapport, no checky :-)

     If you'd like to learn how do do this stuff, come and join me on Nov 10/11th - click here for details

For people who are serious about their personal growth...

  Maybe you’ve tried all the goal setting, the achiever, “if it’s to be it’s up to me” syndrome.  You’ve had the house, the car, the money in the bank, the social circle, the good job……and yet there’s still something missing?  

You see, goals without a higher purpose lack passion or deep meaning.  At some point you’ll ask yourself “Who I am?  Why am I here? What should I be doing with my life?”  Perhaps you have an inkling…..a hunch…that something more spiritual is the place to go next.  

Maybe you, like me, have a “calling” – that something calls to you for some inexplicable reason.  There’s a great quote that once said “Religion is what people do to avoid going to hell.  Spirituality is what people do once they’ve been there!”

  Now I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist – but I have spent 25 years in personal development helping people transform their lives – I’ve learned and taught advanced techniques like NLP and Hypnosis.  But after a while I got frustrated with the lack of depth, there was something missing.  There had to be more….do you know what I mean?

  For me it was always about making changes.  If you’re not happy with the results you’re creating, then change what you’re doing.  Whining and complaining won’t make it any better, and nobody’s going to come and rescue you.  The sooner you realise it’s you, the better.  It’s what you do that counts.  So initially I did private therapy, and then started doing workshops to try and share this mindset with as many people as possible.

  Then in the late '90's I came across the blossoming field of Life Coaching, and saw a natural extension to what I was already doing.  NLP helped me to help my clients clear up the mental clutter and limitations that hold us all back.  Life Coaching looks at the external factors that make you who you are – your health and eating habits, your family relationships, your intimate relationships, your management of money, your environment, and your career.  Now I had ways of dramatically improving my own life, and the lives of others, on both the inside and the outside.

However, in a completely unregulated industry, people could simply read a book and call themselves a Life Coach.  Oh dear.

  Then you start to hit your late thirties, and true to the model you’re about to learn, the idea of spirituality starts calling to you.  Now it takes different forms for different people, and for me it was in a concealed body of knowledge and wisdom that had been banned until 1989, until laws were passed that allowed the Hawaiians to teach their original ways again.  Something about Huna attracted me, and for the first time in my life I could relate to what people often term “a calling”.  

  Huna balances you out, and gets you down out of your head and into your body again, grounding you.  Instead of being “the NLP guy”, I started to teach other concepts and principles that I’d picked up that seemed to make sense, and more importantly, consistently worked with everyone I shared them with. 

  That was always my core drive, and still is.  To help people.  Now I’m not a complete altruist, because it’s my business and I expect to be paid.  But that was my passion – Maybe you’ve seen “Star Wars”, when Obi Wan Kenobi told the Imperial Storm troopers “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for” and they let them pass, instantly changing their minds.  “Wouldn’t it be really cool to be able to do that!” I thought.  Imagine someone comes to you with a problem like “I’m depressed”, and with a wave of your hand you tell them “No you’re not” and they wouldn’t be.  That would be magic!  Real magic.

  And if you study every philosophy, every theology on the planet, certain key concepts keep coming up.  Rituals.  Physical exercise.  Energy.  Numbers.  The Five elements.  Taking responsibility.  Being at one with yourself.  Life being a mirror of you.  There has to be something to that if they keep showing up, throughout history, throughout the planet.  Mark Twain once said “The ancients steal all our best ideas”.

  My friend and teacher Tad James had once suggested to Richard Bandler, the co-creator of NLP:

“What if all NLP is, is tying up the conscious mind with a technique, while you give suggestions to the unconscious mind?”

 In Huna, the Kahuna would often create a ritual or task for the patient to undertake, and in so doing they gave their unconscious mind permission to make the change.  It’s almost like the conscious mind needs to be convinced by doing something tangible, while the unconscious mind does what it already knows it can do, but needs the conscious mind’s permission.  Think of the placebo effect in medicine.  Or being dunked in water to feel cleansed, or anointed.  The ritual works better if you use real water…

  Milton Erickson, the world’s leading Hypnotherapist, often gave clients tasks or ordeals to do, and by doing then, they “fixed” themselves.  Hmmmm…..

  I knew I was on to something.  It was also painful to watch people study, and teach, NLP as a bunch of techniques that claimed to be able to cure everything from nail biting to HIV, but then get disappointed when it didn’t work.  Or worse, blame the NLP practitioner when it didn’t.  There’s more to it than that.  You can’t expect someone to come along and “fix you”. You have to be the source of your own change.  Because then you get all the pride and achievement of having taken charge of you mind and your behaviours too!

  It was a shame to watch people spend four days with (in my opinion) the world’s greatest presenter and teacher, Tony Robbins, get all psyched up to change the world, and then crash down to earth a week later.  Not only were they disappointed, they’d had a taste of how good they could feel and they couldn’t recreate it themselves.    They’d have to spend even more money becoming seminar junkies, just to recapture the high.  As one client of mine once said,

“How much more money do you have to spend before the penny drops?”

  To make matters worse, the world of NLP was renowned for its competing developers who spent more time arguing about who the genuine leaders of the field were, than in advancing and improving the technology for the betterment of its enthusiasts.  Too much emphasis was placed on legal actions, copyrighting, jargon, cyber squatting and whose signature was on your certificate, which is ironic when one of the basic beliefs promoted by NLP is to “respect everyone’s model of the world.”  It was a world of politics, cliques and possessiveness where the self-styled governing bodies had practically no regulatory authority, and no way of enforcing their code of conduct.  Basically anyone could buy their way up the ladder and call themselves a Trainer, regardless of ability, flair, depth of knowledge or integrity.

   Intriguingly, all of the most successful leaders in the field of NLP got into esoteric studies and spirituality.  Richard Bandler lived in Hawaii for years.  John Grinder used animal forms during training courses.  Tad James is my Huna teacher.  Tony Robbins calls himself a “force for God”.  The “heart” that was missing from the NLP model could be found in the ancient teachings of the earth.

  And yet, having done thousands of hours on one to one therapy, working with hundreds of clients on the phone, by email, in person or in groups, over 25 years of personal experience in dealing with human beings and their fears, hang ups, hopes and desires, I’ve realised that the main and final reason these hard working, well-meaning individuals suffer set backs, self doubt and turmoil, is because they did not know what I know about how to tap into their “inner life manager” and finally realise that the answer is never “out there” – it’s not going to be handed to you in the next book, on the next tape or the next seminar.  It’s inside you right now, you either

1. Don’t know that it resides inside you behind a locked door
2. Don’t have a key!

My job was always to tentatively reveal some elements and core essentials of this approach to these people, and take them through some safe and gentle ‘training sessions’… ‘tentatively’ because I was unsure how easily they would accept the truth.

I was wrong to worry.

  The results of these sessions (usually an hour at a time) are already evident and there’s pages and pages of testimonies on my websites and in my client files – they are happier, healthier, in better jobs, in more passionate relationships, making more money.  Personal success is suddenly realistic instead of a hyped up cosmetic “hope”.

  But not for everybody.  I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I said every client I’ve ever worked with dramatically turned around.  That’s not the case.  Some put the phone down on me.  Some weren’t prepared to do the work.  Some wouldn’t spend a few hundred pounds to make their ill-health symptoms disappear.  Some walked out of my office and never came back.  Some made appointments but never showed.  That’s life.  People are people.

  BUT, the ones who kept their appointments, invested some money in themselves and were willing to put the effort in, every one of them blossomed, flew and transformed in a matter of hours, weeks, months at most.

  NLP had to evolve. Hypnosis alone wasn’t enough.  Life Coaching is more than just hiring a personal trainer.  Huna was too ancient and esoteric and turned some people off.  There needed to be a comprehensive and ecological model which was simple and straightforward to use in your daily life.  After all, it’s what you do consistently, and persistently that shapes your life.  You can’t have a bath once and be clean forever.  To that effect, I want to share what I’ve found with you, and I’ve called it HGE™

Join me on November 10/11th in Glasgow where I'll teach you more.  Way more...

Click here

FSB Business Essentials

Highly recommend being part of FSB.  Changed from the old days.  If you own a business or are launching one, PM me if you'd like to know more.

Instant Edge Podcast Episode 2 - 3 ways to grow your business

Instant Edge Podcast Show Is Live!

Get the 9 Positioning Strategies interview at http://www.instantedge.co.uk/positioning-interview/

5 Ways To Use Your Body Language In Public Speaking

World renowned couple counsellor and family therapist Virginia Satir identified five key “Postures” that her clients adopted.  Stereotypes, which powerfully communicate non-verbal messages.

You can use these postures to increase your “presence” both on stage and off.  Powerfully use your physiology (the 55% of any communication) to send non-verbal messages that back up your verbal one, thereby doing what I call “Communicating at 100%”.  You can also use these to control the energy in the room, raising it, lowering it or maintaining it depending on your outcome.  They increase your authority and assertiveness, and women in business can use them possibly more effectively than men can.

On stage they help you deal with hecklers, or to invoke states in your audience.  They also answer the question of “How do you stand, what do you do with your hands?”  Most speakers do the Fig leaf, the Prince Charles, with their hands clasped in front or behind, or worse, hands in pockets.  These are much more powerful.

There’s nothing worse than a distracting speaker who paces around, or fiddles, or whose attention is clearly in his or her own head and not on you in the audience.  You end up watching them for their weird behaviours and not for what they’re teaching.  Ooops!

Non Verbal Communication

The five Satir categories are the answer to “what do I do with my hands?” or “How do I stand?”.  Each category is an instantly recognised stereotype, and you’re doing one or more of them unconsciously anyway!  They affect your state, and that of the audience.  Remember that physiology is 55% of the message.  You often see these on book covers as the author has been coached in how to pose for the camera.  Here’s how to do them, and what they do.

THE COMPUTER

Weight on one leg or evenly distributed

Arms folded, one hand on your chin

The thinking pose

Looks authoritative, like you are the wise one. Helps you

Deal with a threat so it’s harmless.

Says “I’m pensive, thinking it through, I’m the expert, I’m the authority”

Thoughtful, cool, calm and collected.  You can hide your

Self-worth behind big words and intellectual ideas

Completely rational.

Good to use when people ask you questions.

Common in Cerebral people

Be reasonable beyond limit, and use polysyllabic words

Statement tonality – fairly monotone

THE LEVELLER

Weight evenly distributed, feet shoulder width apart

Hands sweep down and out as if you were sweeping snow off a wall

Says “Here’s the deal, this is how it’s going to be”

Asserts authority and calms things down, especially if you leave a pause after it

Commanding tonality, straight talker

Brings energy down

Common in Kinesthetic people

Congruent, the body matches the words, telling the truth

Good for apologising whilst maintaining your dignity

THE PLACATER

Weight evenly distributed, feet shoulder width apart

Palms up hands moving up, open and vulnerable

Says “Help me out here, please?” and “I’m sorry” and “Tell me what to do”

Suggests openness and trying to please, so that the other person doesn’t get angry with you.

Useful to open a questions and answers session.

Makes the energy more emotional, safe, gentle

Questioning tonality, higher pitched voice

Common in Kinesthetic people

Agree with the other person – be a “yes” man or

Woman

Remember the helpless “Smeagol” character in

The Lord Of The Rings movies

THE BLAMER

Weight on one leg

One foot in front of the other, pointing the finger

Says “It’s your fault, on your head be it” or “I’m in charge, right?!”  Usually disagrees with people and accuses.

This is the accuser, acting superior, looking strong

Useful for ramming a message home, emphasising, or telling someone they’ve done really well

Brings energy up

Loud command tonality

Common in visual people

THE DISTRACTER

Weight on one leg, or lock your knees together

Everything moving, angular, diagonal, arms and

legs going out in all directions.

Says “Don’t ask me, I’m an airhead, I’m dizzy”

Think dumb bunny, bimbo.

Useful for defusing tension, distracting hecklers, or adding comedy.  Comedians often use Distracter with their punch line.

Ignores any threat in the hope that it’ll vanish

Releases stuck energy

Voice going up and down

Common in Auditory people

Words make no sense

EXERCISE

I want it to be that when you do move it has intention, and it has impact!  Try talking about your hobby or your career for a few minutes, or something you know a lot about.  Adopt each category for 30 seconds at a time, so 30 seconds in Computer, then 30 seconds in Leveller, then 30 seconds using them all together

You might start doing this in normal life.  These still work while you’re sitting down, as you use the top half of your body.  But think about it.  What if you became more assertive?

Women in business – try and avoid Placater and Distracter.  They make you look vulnerable and weak.  Instead use Leveller and Computer.  You’ll come over far more assertive, and you’ll probably freak the men out with your authority!

Remember that you cannot not communicate, so make sure what you’re screaming non verbally agrees with what you’re saying with your mouth.  And train up the ones that feel awkward and unfamiliar, to increase your behavioural flexibility.

Glasgow business networking group - Why invite visitors to Club Five55?

Well hello there, my name is Jonathan Clark and welcome to a quick training video on how to maximise your return to GET THE MOST out of your business networking.

This is a quick how to video to help you build your network, so you can reach your goals faster and more easily.  So you’ll make more valuable contacts who can introduce you to more potential clients, making your life easier.

Today’s topic is about inviting guests to take a look at your group.

QUICK STORY...

The other day I got a Cold caller at my door, with a clipboard

I let him do his script… then I had to tell him I’m not really in the market for what he’s selling

But then I asked him - tell me, do you like knocking on doors and pounding the streets?

You’ll be really glad you came to my door… cos I know a better way to get clients…

Why you should invite guests

Yes you get points for bringing a visitor.  Yes you get points if they join.  But beyond that there are several reasons why you ought to invite people.  Let’s talk about the bigger picture

New people are the lifeblood that keeps a networking group buzzing and healthy, therefore every group needs guests

More people in the room = more referrals.  You make more money.  Everyone benefits.

You need to talk about the benefits of business networking with other like-minded business owners

A visitor is always a good result for a group, even if they don’t join – someone ends up doing business with them.  So they may turn into paying clients. 

Also You can’t do everything on your own – the more people who can help you, the easier it gets.

You need to build your contact sphere – the number of other business owners that you have at the other end of the phone.

Networking groups lose members, so it’s vital we bring in new blood to keep the group vibrant and healthy.

It’s also great PR when a local business visits the group and hears what it’s all about, who we all are, chats with several members and takes away all of our business cards.  Does that make sense?

What it means

The fact is - The average visitor spends money with the group, regardless of whether they join or not.  Someone usually ends up doing business with the visitor.

If they join, great - you now have a new member to build a relationship with and share each other’s connections

There’s always somebody in the room that can help you reach your goals, and you can help someone else reach theirs.

Statistically If you grow a group by 10 members, the referrals should double!

There are plenty of people to invite to the meeting

Average business person has 1000 contacts- Between Your phone, your clients, your Facebook friends, your little black book, your suppliers, your LinkedIn connections and your Christmas card list.

When I started, if someone had given me the chance to stand up in front to 20-30 local business owners and decision makers I’d have sold my granny for the chance!

How to invite?

Let me give you a script to help you invite people to look at this group.

Are you in a position to handle more clients?

Great - I am working with a group of local business owners who are looking for a professional [category] to pass referrals to.  Would you be interested in meeting them?

Always remember to tell them to bring lots of business cards.

Now you can run that script by Text, email, phone call, face to face, or private message on LinkedIn or Facebook

Be as brief as possible, get them along to the meeting [pick them up and bring them if need be] and let the meeting do the job for you.  People need to experience a good structured meeting, meet the members, hear the presentations and see the professionalism to be able to judge.

One veteran networker I know used to tell a story of helping out at a Cumbernauld group

There’s his next door neighbour

What are you doing here?

I’ve been coming for a year now – half of my clients come through this group.

Had been scared to invite him.  Pre-judged him – oh he won’t be interested.

Wondered where you were going all suited and booted at that time of day

You can always invite cold - Postcard adverts on supermarket notice boards, local directories, van signage – but I’d rather bring in people I already know, like and trust.

What If You Did?

Realise that YOU’RE DOING THEM A FAVOUR by inviting them.

The average member makes money from being part of the group!  You can help them add money to their bottom line.

You’ll soon come to realise that most long term networkers look at other local business owners and think they’re BONKERS to say no

What if your group grew by 2 or more new members every month?

You can actually see how the energy goes up when there’s a guest in the room – everyone ups their game

If you’re already a member, have a think about who you could invite for next time.

If you’re a guest – now you know how you got here!  But if you’d like to tap into the power of having a ready-made sales team acting as introducers for your business all year round, then speak to us at the end of the meeting.

What's Your Goal For Your Networking?

 Well hello there, my name is Jonathan Clark and welcome to a quick article on how to maximise your return to GET THE MOST out of your business networking.

This is a quick how to article to help you get clear on why you’re there and the value of building your network, so you can reach your goals faster and more easily.

So you’ll make more valuable contacts who can introduce you to more potential clients, making your life easier.

Today’s topic is about setting an income goal for your networking.

Now that reminds me of a quick story...

I launched my own business in 1997 and I was a shy introvert who found it hard to say hello to people I knew.  I’ve been to a lot of networking events in that time and most of them didn’t work.  What I mean is, I didn’t get any business from them.  It took me a while to realise why – it wasn’t to do with the group or the people - it was that I just wasn’t doing it right.  And I certainly didn’t have any real goal or target in mind when I went.

So why is this whole goal setting thing so critical to your business?

You took time out of your day to get here and made the effort to chat to new people and introduce yourself.  That takes confidence and can be challenging.  Well, we’re here to make sure you get a good return on your investment for the time, money and energy you spend talking to people at networking events, so you should get more business and make more money.  We’re going to discuss how we’ll get you there.

So it’s essential that you have an outcome for being here.  You have to ask yourself “How much money do I want to make from networking? Now I know you probably haven’t been asked that question before, and that’s a good thing, because that means this is going to make an impact.
But just think about it - How can you hit a target you can’t see?

Every ambitious business owner sets goals, and must continually keep track of their progress towards that outcome.  If that little voice in your head isn’t telling you a clear figure, alarm bells should be ringing.  We’re all about generating income for our members, and the freedom and security that that offers you, so it’s vital you have a figure in mind.

Now, the world famous sales trainer and motivational speaker – the late Zig Ziglar – once said “You can’t be a wandering generality, you have to be a meaningful specific.”

We train our members to become very good at the process of networking effectively.  In fact, at the time of recording this video, 70% of my clients have been referred to me by members of my network.
Statistically the average business person knows about 1000 people – if you take your mobile phone contacts, your Facebook friends, your LinkedIn connections, your Christmas card list – you actually know about 1000 people.  But how many of them act as introducers and talk about you to their friends, family and colleagues?

So let’s get you to decide a specific amount of money you’d like to earn in the next 12 months
Just ask yourself - What would be a good target – how much money do you want to make from networking in year one?

You might want to write a number down.

Let’s get something concrete – tangible.
Do you want to add an extra £10,000 to your bottom line?  £25,000?  £100,000?
Get a figure on paper.  I’ll give you a moment to seriously get your head around that question.

Now, think about what an average client is worth.  In real terms.
How much is an average sale in your line of work?  What do you take home in cold, hard profit?

OK so now divide the big target figure by the average sale value = that will quickly give you the number of referrals you need in the next 12 months to smash your target.


You see, we’re not happy for you just to break even, so we want to be crystal clear on  exactly how much you want to make from this vast referral network you’re now part of.

Look at what the average referral is worth to you?  The bread and butter client?  Imagine how much a GOOD referral would be worth?   And what would a dream client look like?  Just suppose you focused on the big ticket clients…

Now paying clients is just one way to hit that target.  There are in fact 17 ways you can make money from networking – we’ll reveal what they are in a future article.

Picture yourself getting warm referrals from the members of this network, not having to search for new business so much and freeing up your time to focus on the things you want to do

So after 25 years of being in business, I now walk into a room with a plan, a target, I have a strategy and because I was also trained to keep track, I know that three quarters of my clients come from business networking events.  But I don’t just go networking, I USE networking. So I’d end with this question – are you just going to networking events or are you using networking events?

If you’re already a member, this is probably the first time you’ve thought about it like this.  You might want to look back at your membership and total up exactly how much money your business has earned as a direct result of networking.

If you’re a guest and you’d like to tap into the power of having a ready-made sales team acting as introducers for your business all year round, to help you accelerate towards that figure, then speak to us at the end of the meeting.